Happy day!

I just got this email forwarded to me!



Dear Mr Vignesh,Warm greetings from Concorde Inn KLIA

Kindly to informed you, we already found your baby sling.
Please advise your address.We will check the cost of delivery.

Please do contact us should you have any queries.

Have A Nice Day

Best regards,Haiza
Reservation Assistant
Concorde Inn KLIA

We made it!

Combining a couple of journal entries made while off-line . . .


Well here I am killing time somewhere between Taipei and Kuala Lampur (will post this later, of course). I have to say that I’m so glad we waited to travel until our kids were both potty trained and able to sit still for long periods of time. I still have memories of flying back alone with 15 month old Abi. Even so, this traveling has pushed us all to our limit. We drove to LA which wasn’t bad—but it was still work for V and I. Then we had to turn in our rental car and load all our massive amounts of luggage on the bus to the airport. Got there and loaded it onto to carts plus Abi pulling one. Stood in a long line at the ticket counter, got the bags weighed. Took bags to baggage security and waited in another long line. Waited until we saw our bags pass inspection. By then it was like 11 PM and Nitara had a tantrum in the middle of a busy thoroughfare because I would not let her sit down right there and open her backpack and get a toy out. I used my baby sling with her and it still works great. Then we had to go through airport security with our carry ons. Another long line, removing of shoes, explaining what the cans of formula were for. Then to the terminal where we camped out until our plane left. It was only about an hour of camping out but the terminal was crowded. Nitara was feeling out of sorts and vomited right in the middle of the crowd. It was then that I realized I had not packed her an extra set of clothes. At least she’s an expert at vomiting and knows how to aim for the floor between her feet and keep her clothes clean. When the gate opened we were led to a bus and had to be driven, standing room only and very cold, to the air terminal. Up a ramp that spiraled around about 3 times. Finally we got on the plane. Nitara vomited once more and after that we fed her by syringe 10 mL every 15 minutes. Her pump kept clogging because we didn’t have access to a blender to make it smooth enough for the finicky pump. We took shifts doing that for much of the 14 hour flight to Taipei. I also gave Nitara a Zofran and that helped her to sleep and get some relief. All of us were feeling out of sorts with weak stomachs but she felt it the worst.

Malaysia Airline is wonderful. Good food (we got Western Vegetarian), good service, lots of extra attention towards the kids to help us get through that long stretch as well as possible. They helped us install Nitara’s carseat and brought her an apple when I said she was limited with foods. One flight attendant, moved by Nitara’s tube and her discomfort, told me about her own daughter aged 2.5 who has reflux and gets aspiration pneumonia from it. I guess reflux touches people the world over. The funniest thing is that for the first leg of the trip, which was dark most of the way, Nitara didn’t believe we were really on the plane. I told her we were flying in the sky and she said no, you are just telling a story. It’s not real. Then kept asking to go home. On this leg it’s light out and I was able to take her to a window (we are sitting in the center) and show her the ocean and the clouds. The look on her face was priceless. Total wonder and awe. Not counting in-utero this is her first plane trip, and what a plane trip it is! We are looking forward to getting into Malaysia in about two hours and have a complimentary hotel room where we can take showers and get refreshed. I am going to probably buy Nitara a new set of clothes at the airport, at least a clean shirt. That’s one way to get a souvenir.

Abi has been absolutely the best kid ever. Very helpful, cooperative, and calm. She is enjoying the whole adventure of it and doesn’t mind watching the same movie 3 times over. I brought along my knitting. Thank goodness found out at the last minute that knitting needles are now permitted on board. It has calmed me to knit when I could be feeling afraid of flying. I guess the trip is going as good as it can be. But no joke about it, it’s grueling all the same. Especially with kids. I am not sure I am ready to do this again for at least a couple more years. Because as wonderful as Nitara is, she’s still three, and traveling with a three year old is draining. Unlike Abi who can be self-entertained, we have to entertain and supervise Nitara about 75% of the time. I’m ending this entry listening to a baby crying. He’s been unhappy most of the trip. He’s only 3 months old and his sister is 15 months old. I don’t envy the mom at all.

Updated from Chennai: We made it! The last leg was rough because we had to get back on that plane one more time. The plane was older, uncomfortable, and packed. The movies were broken, the bathrooms dirty and a long line. And the kids were just fed up with traveling. We got to Chennai, were driven to Kamini and Neville’s house, and now we are getting down to the task of recovering from jet lag. . My only sorrow is that we lost my precious Maya Wrap sling in one of the shuttles in Malaysia. Abi was supposed to be carrying it for me. She was so sad that it got lost that I told her the most important thing is we are here safe.

May 31, 2007

We woke up this morning to the sounds of the birds calling, so different from home. Amma (my MIL) says they are coo-coo birds. Am I spelling that right? Anyway . . .The weather is HOT but more than that, humid. I can deal with hot, being from Phoenix. The humidity is going to take some getting used to. I also found out that since it’s so hot there are not many mosquitoes around. I’m so glad! In January-March visits we were attacked all the time and it was horrible. The kids played nicely today together and love their new cousin Anirudh. Everyone loved the gifts we brought, too. I had a fresh mango off the family's tree and it was so, so good! I am not sure I will ever be able to enjoy mangoes in the states again. We were supposed to go to the beach today in the evening for a walk but we slept through it. Went to take a nap at 2PM with the girls, and I woke up at 8. They are still sleeping as I write this. The rest of the family is about ready for bed and here I am wide awake. We are going to Tirupati temple on Monday.

More Photos

Travelling with a Food Allergy Kid

Many of you that read this are familiar with Nitara's story. Some of you aren't so I'll share the details. Nitara has a special kind of food allergy called eosinophilic esophagitis. It took us longer to diagnose it than to learn to say the name. It's also called EE. Basically Nitara is allergic to the proteins in most foods. If she eats them, white blood cells will infiltrate her esophagus thinking they are pathogens and the result is a swollen esophagus, pain, difficulty swallowing, nausea, vomiting, and so on (a long list of "so on's"). She was put on a feeding tube at 3 months old but was not diagnosed with this until almost 3 years old. Strangly enough, even though there is no cure for EE, we are relieved to finally know what is going on and how to treat it. The way Nitara is being treated is to depend on most of her nutrition from a special formla where the proteins are broken into amino acids so the body won't react to them. We are slowly introducing food back into Nitara's diet but it's a very long process. At the moment it is easier to list the foods she can eat rather than the ones she can't. She can have potatoes, carrots, broccoli, and trying apples. Also three kinds of oil (safflower, sunflower, canola), salt and cane sugar. She only eats small amounts of these foods but it's important to keep up her eating skills.

Through many emails and phone calls my mother in law finally located some sunflower oil so we can cook Nitara's potatoes! Carrots, broccoli, and apples can all be found there. But what they don't have is Nitara's favorite snack, Lays chips. Lays has a version that is made with sunflower oil. You can't find these in India. If I brought large bags of Lays they would go bad in the humidity within a couple of days. So I searched high and low for snack sized ones and finally found them in a package of 20 chips. I bought three of these bags to get enough Lays plain chips to last the trip. And filled one small suitcase only with Lays. I think the rest of our family is going to be eating flavored chips for weeks to come when we get back!

Also coming with us are a small jug of free and clear laundry detergent, 30 bags for her feeding pump, the pump and recharger and all that, feeding syringes, med syringes, a whole lot of medicines (she has asthma, environmental allergies, and GERD, too), and 18 cans of Neocate Jr. formula, 16 of which will be hand-carried to ensure that they are not stolen out of the luggage. It's very hard to find her special formula in India. Nitara is not going to eat any of the meals on the airplane (which is fine because Vignesh will probably want them), and it's going to be a challenge to tell extended family not to offer her food. More importantly not to feel sorry for her in front of her, to shake their heads and click their tongues in sympathy. Nitara has a wonderful attitude about it all and I don't want her to consider that she should feel sorry for herself since others are making such a big deal about it. At home we have a safe haven for her but it's going to be different outside of our own home.

But that's life. Given all her medical issues Nitara is doing remarkably well, talks up a storm, is happy most of the time, lots of energy, and very big for her age. And so we will embark on our journey with all of this extra stuff. I would love to see the look of the baggage inspector when he or she finds a whole suitcase full of Lays!

Abi has started her own blog here: http://abisindiablog.blogspot.com/
If you have kids she would be thrilled to get input from them and will try to answer their questions.

Okay, off to bed. Next post should probably be from India!

Viewing Photos

I am going to be lazy. Sorry. I am going to put most of my photos up on the CostCo website so I can print them right from the same album when we get home. If you don't have a CostCo account just sign up (it's free and you don't need a CostCo membership).
http://www.costcophotocenter.com/login

Finally!

After 14 weeks of processing, numerous phone calls, and lots of worry, Abi's passport has finally arrived! She needed a new one because her old one expired. Vignesh actually had an appointment next week in the San Fran office to collect the passport personally if it got down to that. With only 10 days to go, that is cutting things very close.

We have 70 pounds of luggage per person. Most of this is going to be gifts and gear for everyone else. A little bit of it will be our clothes. I found out that Nitara can sit in her carseat on the airplane. At least that's one less thing to check in. The relatives want things like Ben Gay, Tums, vitamin tablets, chocolates. I'm sure a few things will be requested this week. In addition we need to buy everyone gifts. Big gifts for the closest family members, little gifts for everyone else. I'm still working on the little gifts. I did manage to score with bags of various sizes of chip and bag clips at IKEA. I think I may go back to get more stuff from there after talking with Vignesh. I have so much packing to do. My head is swimming.

Fatalism and Carseats

The differences that I have found in India go much deeper than just the food, music, and dress. It is the way of thinking. For example, one does not say "no." You say "yes" but you mean "no." If you really mean "no" you say "maybe" instead of "yes." I have come across as a very pushy person because when someone gives me a wishy washy answer I try to get them to be more specific and the answer just gets more and more muddled. On my last visit there I stayed 2.5 months. I was housebound for much of that trip after my husband left. At that time his family was very busy. His mom worked full time in the home office, as did his brother in law. His sister was not that busy but she still had to keep up her apartment which was a few miles away. She did not always get use of the car to take me out or to visit, and it is she who I get along with best. My father in law was newly retired but he spent the mornings running errands and shopping for the day's food while my mother in law was working in the office. In the afternoons he met with the architect and other related people for the new house that was being built for my husband's sister, as she was newly married. They had to oversee every single detail. Of course I was last on their minds. In the states I led an active life of meeting other moms, going to the park, library, bike rides, stroller walks, the zoo and so on. In India there was really no place to walk by myself outside of their small street (and how often can one do circles?). No clean playgrounds or parks, no public libraries, and I of course did not drive or attempt to ride a rickshaw alone with a baby. If I did, I wouldn't even know where to ask to be driven. So I was desperate for diversion. I would ask someone to please take me somewhere when they were going there. They would say, "Maybe later." I would ask "when shall I be ready?" and they would say "maybe this afternoon." Thinking that was the answer, I would ready myself and wait, and wait, and wait. And no one would ever show up to take me out, and it became clear as the afternoon progressed that plans had already been made previously and it did not involve taking me out. I wish I could have just been told "Not today, we already made plans" but things don't work like that over there.

There is also an attitude of fate or karma playing a huge role in one's life and what happens. Here in the US parents are so safety-minded. It might be to an extreme, but every parent wants to protect their child, right? Parents in India don't love their kids any less but they do take more chances with the kids, and with themselves. Things that common sense would dictate that you just don't do with children. Some families simply have no other choice. They cannot afford more than a bike and people still need to get from point A to point B. You see things like this and this. Keep in mind that they are riding through heavy traffic as shown in the video clips I provided previously, with big trucks, busses, and crazy honking drivers all around. But you have no choice. You see a lot of this, too. And this. The two-wheeled family car for the ones who are slightly better off than the bike riders. Again, in the US we would not imagine doing this but in India and probably most places in the world this is something that people do. Lastly, for those who have a lot of money, you see this. The whole family crammed into the car, saving space by putting kids on the laps of parents.

So why do these well off folks, who can afford a car and can presumably afford a carseat as well, choose to endanger their children like this? Being a huge carseat advocate, it triggers my ingrained sense of fear when I see kids riding unrestrained. There are carseats available in India. Not widely, but you can find one if you ask around and have money in your pocket. It comes down to several factors:

a) Most people in India do not have cars, the vast majority in fact. This is in contrast to the US and Europe. The government is not going to spend its precious public ad campaigns targeting the few rich when they can better spend it promoting the welfare of the many poor and almost poor. Things such as birth control and family planning, education, child welfare, pollution. These are much more pressing matters that keeping the kids of rich people safe by using carseats. People who own cars simply are not aware of the need for carseats. There is the common belief that they can just hold onto the baby tightly in a crash, and that the baby is more comfortable in someone's lap. In fact, 8% of the world's auto fatalities happen in India, about 90,000 people per year. That's a lot, considering that only a small percentage of people there own a car.

b) There is a general sense of fatalism that is part of the cultural and religious beliefs. India's culture is based on a caste system. Although there are efforts being made to do away with it, it is so ingrained in the culture that it will be a very long time before people will not see themselves first as a member of a certain caste and second as an individual. The caste system is determined by fate of birth, and many believe it is because of actions taken in your last life. Same with poverty-- the people are born into poverty because they were meant to be. Next life, they might have better luck. This is their fate in this life and the sooner they accept it the less miserable they will be. It is a necessary tool of survival especially for someone who is born into hopeless poverty with no real chance of ever escaping it. India does not have goverment welfare to the degree that we have in the US. Here, you are poor if you drive a junky car and live in a junky apartment and if the car breaks down you have to take the bus to work. In India, you are poor if you live on the street, your kids live on the street, and you all might get lucky and be able to afford a run-down apartment which you will share with 20 relatives. If your kid gets sick you help them as much as you can and pray a lot, and if they die, well it was just their time. In our country we have such a sense of entitlement and perhaps that also extends to our expectation that we will live a long and healthy life. We do everything we can to protect that life. Many Indians feel that if it's their time to go, then it's their time and it's no use preventing it. So if they are riding in a car and die because they were not wearing a belt, then it must have just been their time. Otherwise they would have made it home safe like all the other times they have ridden home in the car over the years. Enjoy life to the fullest today because you just never know about tomorrow.

Several years ago my husband's sister's husband was driving home from a temple event with some friends. They also gave a ride home to an elderly priest. The three young men buckled up but the older priest did not. They were hit by a drunk truck driver. The three young men walked away, the priest died in the accident. We were all shocked by this and expected them to be too. They were sad that the priest died, but the attitude was that he was old, he had lived a full life, it was his time, and wasn't it fortunate that he departed on such an auspicious festival day.

This whole carseat thing has been driving me crazy. I am planning to bring both girls' seats and one for my nephew. I don't care if I have to leave other stuff behind. I will only care a little that they get annoyed that the kids take up room in the car and can't fit on someone's lap to save room. As I posted before, I bought my sister in law an infant seat to use when she had a baby. Then found out they had not been using the seat when he was a newborn, and then when they tried to use it later they stopped because he cried. I sent a bunch of crash test videos of kids riding on people's laps, some websites about carseats, and a loving note about how much we cared about her son and would hate to see anything happen to him. All the previous times that I had asked her how the seat was working out, if they were able to install it okay, I was given the yes-that-means-no answer, the polite but frustratingly unenlightening answer. Finally found out the truth. Beyond a certain point I can't do more than to say I've tried my best. And on the other side, they are probably thinking I'm some crazy, safety-obsessed woman who should just relax and enjoy life. Maybe we are both somewhat right.

Shopping for Suitcases

I have not been to Goodwill in months. Why? Because I always come home with crap I don't need. Today I went in search of

a. cheap lightweight suitcases

b. shorts and skirts for Abi.


I came home with

a. one skirt for Abi

b. one giant Fisher Price dollhouse mansion

c. one Tiny Love baby mobile

d. a small laptop bag

e. two Magic Schoolbus books that we don't own yet

f. one paperback novel for me

g. one book about mummies for Abi

h. zero suitcases


So now the justifcation:

a. it fit her and she liked it. Fine.

b. Because Nitara looked at me with these big huge baby brown eyes and asked sooo nicely and it was only $5 and great shape and would be a good home for the thousand and one Little People figures that we had tried to get rid of earlier by putting them in the garage and they were forgotten successfully until a certain husband brought the whole mother lode back out when I was sick in bed one day. And now they are all over the whole house again, but hey, they are finally being played with and wouldn't this be a nice addition to the farm, airplane, school bus, and car that we already have?

c.Because Abi just fell in love with this thing and begged and pleaded and pointed out that she did indeed have $4 of her own money at home and she wanted to spend it on this, and it was in great shape after all, practically new, and they are expensive new (but come one she's 6!). And after we got it home I mounted it on the bed frame and she sat and stared at it and played the classical music and just looked so peaceful and happy and feel promptly asleep. So why didn't I buy one when she was a baby? It might have been THE KEY to her sleep problems. Kicking myself.

d. Because our current laptop bag is huge, and this one was really small and nifty and stylish, and who cares if I rarely take the laptop anywhere because it also needs the chiller tray and has no working battery at the moment. But hey, for the plane trip we are allowed to carry one carry-on plus a small purse or laptop. If I put the laptop in the rolling backpack that has a laptop sleeve it might be too heavy with the formula* in it too, so hey, I can put it in this neat little nifty stylish $3 laptop case and its weight won't be counted. Even though it's an old laptop and probaby weight 20 pounds, not including the broken battery. And I'm not even sure if the laptop is coming with us yet, but that's beside the point.

e. Because, wouldn't you know it, one of my life's aspirations is to own every single Magic Schoolbus book they have ever printed.

f. Because I can stuff it in the the nifty little new laptop case and read it on the plane. Yeah right, with two kids to take care of. Wishful thinking, but it justified the book.

g. Because she wanted to read it. And because somehow the fact that my daughter wants to see pictures of dried up old mummies and read about how they came to be that way makes me feel I must be raising her right.

h. Because they didn't have any. But the lady said check back every day because they do get them in but the go fast. So every day I will drive by Goodwill after picking up Abi from school and every day come back with another carload of stuff we don't need and no more suitcases than we bought the previous time.

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And now contrast this with parts of India. Our life is so different here. With a little begging my kids get some new (used) toys. In India I have seen children really begging. For money. I have had the juice box grabbed out of my hand and sucked down hungrily by a girl Abi's age. Exiting temples, I have had people beg for my half-eaten sweet prasana and when I give it to them, my appetite suddenly gone, they eat it as if it's the best thing on earth. Not all of India is poverty. I can easily walk down the street with child beggars, dirty and thin, with reddish hair from malnutrition, follow me. But they stop short of the mall I have just entered. And inside the mall there is air conditioning, shops with neat rows of luggage, handbags, shoes, furniture, books, and toys. When you are a child beggar, you have little need for all this. You want food. It is an all-consuming thought.

I look at my own children with everything they need, and more than a few extras such as the dollhouse, the huge collection of books, their bunkbed with clean sheets and they wear clean pajamas to bed, and they get a new toothbrush when their old one wears out, and if they are sick they can go to the doctor. Abi sometimes complains that I won't let her have certain toys, or that her backpack is not as nice as her friend's. India is an eye-opener. I wonder what it will be like for my girls to see children their own age begging in the street for a scrap of food? I hope that they come back from this trip appreciating what they have. I too am often caught up in the "I wish I had . . ". In the U.S. it is hard in other ways. We are so isolated from one another. We are so consumed with buying the necessities of life: for our kids things like toys, fashionable clothes, music and sports lessons.

To illustrate the divide between the rich and poor in India, here's a bit about my husband's life. His family is wealthy by Indian standards. Although here they would be considered upper middle class, there is not much of a middle class there. He was enrolled in an exclusive boys school as soon as he was born. At the age of four he started school which, like all schools there, required a uniform. At lunch time the household servant would bring him hot lunch, sit while he ate it, and carry the lunch container home. He took tennis and his sister took swimming and music lessons. He grew up not ever learning how to do things that most kids here learn from an early age: how to mow the lawn, fix a leaky faucet, drive a nail into the wall to hang a picture, clean up his room, dust, cook, maintain a car. His job was to study hard, and he did his job very well and with a lot of effort. He also had time for vacations, playing cricket in the street with friends, and buying as many books as he wanted to read for fun. When I married him he knew nothing about maintenance and he still struggles with simple things like yard work. He was born and raised to hire servants to do these things for him. I had a talk with a cousin of his who is working in the US temporarily. He said that in India it's easier to manage if you have a little money. For five cents you will have people lining up to do your work for you, because they are so poor. It is much more crowded there and there's just not enough to go around for the poor. Here if you offered someone money to hang a picture it had better be at least $20 or they will not think it's worth their time.

Today on NPR I heard a story about a girl named Neha, my daughter's middle name, selling candles near the Ganges for a living. She said she makes about 30 cents a day. Where is her childhood? When does she get a chance to play? When does she get a chance to sit in a classroom and learn to read, and learn about history and geography, eat her lunch at noon and play at recess for awhile? Is childhood a luxury that we feel our children are entitled to? In reality most of the children of the world work from a very young age. They learn a trade, they beg, they find odd jobs. they take care of their siblings, they are street smart. Whether that is a good thing or bad, or maybe a mixed bag, I feel that the children in our culture are given a childhood only because perhaps there's nothing else for them to do until they grow up. I am glad that my children are comfortable in life, I often wonder if they are not growing up as balanced as they would if they had an actual purpose in life-- if they felt needed not just by virtue of being alive, but because they play an essential role in the family and society. I wonder if some of the self-centeredness that many in our culture have arises from having their main childhood aspirations being to aquire the lastest toys, score the most goals, and make the best grades. I hope that this trip provides my daughters with a dose of reality-- not that they are really lucky because by the flip of the coin they were born outside of poverty, but that perhaps their lives are not as rich as they think they are. And that having a life of no responsibility for too long is just as harmful as having too much responsibility too soon.